Mayor Burchett OK after bike wreck

Screams from da Porch wishes Mayor Motorcycle a healthy recovery.

Yes, in the latest string of “he did what?” events, Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett was involved in a motorcycle accident Thursday evening that left him with a broken “proclamation signing hand” and busted elbow. 

Now, I know I’m making light of this somewhat, but it’s because I talked to the mayor and he seems to be recuperating and joking about the incident.

Here’s what the mayor, a longtime motorcycle enthusiast, said happened: Burchett was riding his 1972 BSA-A65 Lightning around 10 p.m. on Amherst Road when the back tire blew.

He said he was going about 20 to 30 m.p.h. and he tried to ease it off the route he called the “Poor Man’s Dragon” so he could put lay it down.

“It’s not like in the movies when they run off the road and weave around the trees or a fence,” he said. “You really can’t dodge them.”

He said he managed to get off the road and put the bike down but it landed on his left side. When he did that, his left elbow hit the ground “and it just exploded.” He then hit a tree with his right arm and knee. 

“The thing that bothered me more than anything was that I couldn’t tell where my legs were (or how close they were to the chain),” he said, adding that the engine was running at top speed but his broken right wrist prevented him from turning off the accelerator off.

The mayor said he managed to turn off the bike (the key is in the back of the bike), which killed the engine. (New bikes by the way shut off immediately when they go down.)

“My thoughts were: I have a hot engine and gasoline and I’m laid up in all this brush,” he added.

So get this: Someone stops to help him. The mayor patches up the tire with fix-a-flat or whatever and then drives off as blood from the injury fills his jacket and runs down his arm. (That’s rock star stuff right there.)

He gets about half a mile and notices that the tire is again going flat.

“I think God was telling me to get off that dad gum thing,” he said. “I got it trucked home.”

It gets better: The mayor doesn’t go to the doctor. No, he goes home, gets up in the morning and then goes to work, missing only one meeting until Friday afternoon he finally decides that maybe he should get a little medical helped “because I was pretty banged up.”

“Well, I had been sick with the flu the past week and I was so far behind on my work, that I needed to catch up on it,” he said, justifying why he didn’t need no stinkin’ doctor.

The mayor will sport a cast for a few weeks and he’s also got a pad on his elbow. He said he’ll continue to ride, but the doctors told him to ease off until he’s fully recovered.

“My dad used to ride (when he was alive) and when I go out there I feel close to him even now,” the mayor said. “But while I was in that ditch, all I heard was my mama saying: ‘You need to quit riding those things.’ Of course my daddy was laughing.”

Credit to Dan the Man for breaking the story Friday evening and the mayor for supplying the photo.

Even Mitt would laugh at this one

Not a big fan of Hillary or the yapping canary (is Big Bird male or female?), but I chuckled when I saw this one going around today. If you've been under a rock for the past few days, then here's some background and a video to what I'm talking about. Have a good weekend.

TRAK to host annual fall festival

Here's your feel good blog entry for the week:

The Therapeutic Riding Academy of Knoxville on Sunday, Oct. 14 will host its annual fall festival fundraiser, which benefits children and adults with disabilities. (The organization, nicknamed TRAK, provides therapeutic horseback riding.)

The event, which runs from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. at Doc Butler's Farms in Karns (7316 West Emory Road), will include a demonstration lesson, pony rides, a raffle for an iPad and television, face painting, pumpkin painting, and Knox County Mayor Tim Burchet who will speak at the event. (No, I'm serious. How do you think I found out about this? Yeah, spin doc Michael “Big Sexy” Grider sent over the release.)

This seems like a pretty cool thing and if mayor cheapskate can show up and donate some time and coin, you can, too.

There. I feel better already. For more information check out the organization's website right smack here.

A few links on presidential debate

Can't wait to see the memes on this one. (Photo by Charlie Neibergall/AP) 

I didn't catch the debates last night. Checked out Family Guy instead, cause  I'm convinced Peter Griffin is funnier, smarter and less of a liar than both of 'em.

Anyhoo, I heard the president got Mitt-slapped.

In the meantime, here's a fact check article from the Associated Press right smack here.

And here's some reaction from Yahoo readers right smack here. (Note that one of them is actually from around here.)

Finally, right smack here is the AP story we ran, which includes a poll and – of course – the comment section from the locals.

Addressing some of the county rumors

The Deathstar is a disturbingly good incubator for rumors, and most come from the county's side.

I suppose, though, they're easy to start when all you have to do is log into the computer in your mama's basement and start clicking.

So let's address a few:

A lot of people immediately assumed that Bud Armstrong was going to make a ton of changes to the law director's office when he took over in September. The hysteria reached a high point in April when he asked then-director Joe Jarrettto hire David Buuck to serve as chief deputy law director. (Jarret, who has always been a straight shooter, by the way had nothing but nice things to say about Buuck.)

Throughout the campaign, though, Bud made it clear that he wasn't planning any major personnel changes. Yet, people still perpetuate the rumor that he has hired Knox County Republican Chairman Ray Jenkins and Phyllis Severance, the GOP party's vice chair who has worked as a volunteer or staff member in many Republican campaigns, including Gov. Bill Haslam's two years ago.

Jenkins has said a number of times that he doesn't plan on working in the office. And Severance has told the Sentinel's Georgiana Vines pretty much the same thing. Further, Buuck has said there are no major changes scheduled. (Oh yeah, and there's no records in the human resource department that reflect any new hires.)

Next: a bunch of county department heads received raises, and so, too, did a number of top ranking folks in the Sheriff's Office. This one gets a big fat zero next to it. County department heads aren't getting raises. Finance Director Chris Caldwell obviously got a boost, but that's because he was promoted. Kind of makes sense. (If you want to call that a "raise," then fine. Whatever.)

Regarding the Sheriff's Office: Ashley Haynes, the department's grant manager, resigned in late June to go raise her newborn. She made $61,600 at the time. Sheriff Jimmy "J.J." Jones opted not to fill her position. Instead, he gave her duties to Allison Rogers, his finance director. He also gave Rogers about an $11,000 increase and changed her job title. Jones said the rest of the money was divvied up among other employees with most of going to a number of secretaries who were making less than $26,000.

The Man with the Badge says the increases are within his budget, and, quite frankly, I don't think he really cares what you think about the increases. (Over the years, he's also eliminated a number of top ranking jobs and created deputy positions with the left over money.)

On a side note, Rogers now makes $106,200. Compare that to Caldwell's $120,900 or Jim York over at the city who makes about $120,300.

Soooo, let's get to the Trustee's Office, which could make for a blog entry all its own. (I'm sure some knucklehead will say I'm burying it down here in the blog. Whatever.)

For months now, folks have been chirping about whether a few of the top ranking tax collectors would resign, get indicted or take a job in Washington D.C. (I'm not kidding on that last one.) And, man, it got crazy in the last month of August. People were swearing it would happen on a Monday. Then a Tuesday. No, a Thursday. Wait, it's gonna be on Friday.

In the meantime, John Duncan III is hanging out in Tampa at the Republican National Convention, with no plans whatsoever to come back to town that weekend just to turn in his walking papers.

The rumor pool then turned toward Oct. 1. But, as the rogue noted "October 1 came and left."

By the way, I've talked to a lot of the major parties involved and there's no deal in place for him to leave. At least right now. And there may never be. Just because there's an investigation doesn't mean anything will happen.

As far as the rest of Duncan's office goes, there's been some other names that folks have tagged with his. Not really worth mentioning. The names change with each new tale.

There also was the rumor that if Duncan left, then his right-hand-guy Josh Burnett would take over and clean house. Josh also apparently had a "hit list" and was ready to act. Yeah, that's not true, either, although they did let one person go. Hardly a hit list.

In the meantime, others have speculated on a number of names who would replace Duncan if he left. A lot of people are drooling over the salary, prestige, the whatever.

Most of those rumors are actually true.

Mayor to host another Friday luncheon

Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett will host this third "Lunch with the Mayor" event on Friday at Henry's Bakery & Deli, according to the latest spin job released this morning by Michael "Big Sexy" Grider. The event runs from 11:30 a.m. and 1 p.m.

Henry's is on Tazewell Pike in Corryton.

The event is "dutch treat," meaning the mayor is NOT picking up the tab. 

Grider is. (Just kidding.)

So far, Burchet has held these events at a pizza place and a bbq joint. They get pretty packed, so show up early if you're interested.

Xander's lawyer: Everyone BUTT my client is lying and I'll prove it

Talk about a disaster in what was supposed to be damage control. And quite a way to keep the whole butt-chugging incident in what is now an international news cycle. Click right smack here for the ridiculous to watch, read and listen as the attorney for Xander Broughton swears his client never did the whole alcohol enema thing. (In all my years doing the whole journalism gig, this is certainly one of the last things I ever expected to serve as a topic of a press conference.)

No, instead he got drunk and one of his buddies gave him a wedgie. Or something like that. 

Seriously, that's what local lawyer Dan McGehee said. Yes, apparently everyone - the cops, the EMTs, the investigators, the media, the entire freakin' hospital that treated the kid - all got it wrong.

Trust us, he said. All you morons blew it. "Shame on You," he said. Trust in these underage kids who can't remember a thing. They'll tell you what really happened.

When someone did ask, though, Broughton replied "it's a long story."

Hey, I believe them. I do. But I think he needs a publicist. Not an attorney.

Anyhoo, here's what must have happened. I can picture it right now:

The cops, who already have this very prosecutable case based on evidence and the boys' own admissions that they were drinking underage and nearly killed their friend in the process, decided to lie.

Yes, the cops must have figured: "Let's just add something to this whole thing that we can't prove. Let's just make it up."

I can imagine Knoxville's finest, scouring the Internet and stumbling into urbandictionary.com and coming across the phrase 'butt-chugging.'

"We're bored," I can just hear one cop saying to the other. "Let's just invent this case."

Yeah. That's what happened.

Bloggers, ramblings, knuckleheads

Killing a little time between interviews . . . .

So, uh, I was talking to a source the other day and the person periodically would use the term "bloggers." Now I hear it all the time: "The bloggers are gonna have fun with this." Or: "Who cares what the bloggers say."

Or whatever.

Anyhoo, the point of this rambling is that some folks are using the term wrong. So, just to clarify, at Screams from da Porch, "bloggers" are considered people who actually blog, write main entries on blogs, pretend to blog, whatever. 

Examples include the hippie, the rogue, da man, and, heck, even ol' Stacey. (Heh, bet some folks cringed on that one.)

So, henceforth, all those people that you previously called bloggers you should now call "commentators." They comment on what the bloggers do. They comment over at the KNS website. And, I bet most of them are over at Fox News commenting onthe latest Lindsey Lohan story cause they got nothing better to do.

This is elementary stuff, really. So, why am I pointing it out.

Well, cause quite frankly, I see these knuckleheads noting our mistakes every day. Figured I'd have a little fun.

"Knuckleheads" by the way are commentators who have no clue about what they're talking about. There's a lot of them out there.

So, which one are you?

Heh.

Ethics Committee needs new member

The Knox County Commission will accept applications to join the county's top paper tiger, also sometimes known as the county's ethics committee, to fill a partial term that ends on Halloween 2013. (No, I'm not kidding.)

Soooo, if you're interested in joining the nine-member committee, which is charged with investigating ethics complaints regarding county business and county employees (although nothing really comes of it), then send your resume (by noon Oct. 15) to:

Office of the Knox County Commission

Suite 603 City County Building

400 Main St.

Knoxville, TN 37902

You can also fax that bad boy to 215-2038 or email it to commission@knoxcounty.org

The commissioner will interview the candidates at 1 p.m. on Oct. 15 in the Main Assembly Room of the Deathstar.

Seriously, show up if you want the gig. I don't know how many knuckleheads apply for these things and then don't bother to come.

Election commish sets voting spots

The Knox County Election Commission this morning met for about a nanosecond to do some stuff. I think. 

County Administrator of Elections Cliff Rodgers sent out an email, noting that the board approved early voting locations, hours of operation, etc. for the November election.

Click right smack here for the good stuff. Additionally, Rodgers included a copy of the sample ballot – right here.

Keep in mind you need an ID to vote. Oddly enough, it can be an expired ID as long as it includes a picture of the voter. Seriously? I think I have my first driver's license around somewhere. Love to use that bad boy. Whatever. Why bother making a law if it's useless? Never mind.

Finally, according to Rodgers, the last day to register to vote for the November election is Oct. 8. And yes, despite that Monday being a holiday (Columbus Day), the office will be open.

Hey, this isn't the federal government we're talking about.

Hello, did you miss me? Heh. Figures

Fresh out of rehab, Screams from da Porch is back.

And speaking of treatment, anyone else think if you're dumb enough to, you know, imbibe a little booze through the butt then maybe you might just need a 30-day stay?

Oh well, never judge a butt by its chugger. Heh. Been wanting to print that for awhile. Can't spell butt without a “UT.” Hahahahahaha.

Special thanks to Xander Broughton for that one. Cause, you know, the school needed another black eye. Eh, he'll probably run the country some day.

And . . . speaking of running the country (vote for me please), I read last night that Mitt's buddy, the good Paul Ryan (two first names??) won't explain the dynamic duo's tax plan. “It would take me too long to go through all the math,” he said.

“Trust me, you're all retarded,” is what he meant. Ryan didn't seem to have a problem when he told folks that he ran a sub-three hour marathon. Oh yeah, he messed the math up on that one.

Strange. If someone told me a year ago that out of Obama, the catcher's Mitt, Ryan (or whoever the then-future VP pick would be) and Biden, that smokin' Joe was going to be the most believable out of all of them . . . well, whatever.

And for those who thinking I'm just making fun of the Republicans, well, here: Click right smack here. I'm pretty sure one of the videos pokes the other guy.

In the meantime, I'm still pulling for Captain America.

Anyhoo, so why did I decide to come back? Eh, it doesn't matter. Enjoy the ramblings, there will be more to follow.

Tick, tick, tick . . . . BOOM!!!!

Heh.