Thursday, June 16, 2011

'You're not from around here'

When I first moved here, a colleague told me: You'll be reminded over and over again that you're not from around here. Remember that.


No big deal to me, really. I've enjoyed meeting the people I've met so far, even the ones who hide behind anonymous names and insult me. Whatever.

But, I've been here a little over a year now. I like Knoxville. I wouldn't mind staying for awhile.

Anyhoo, someone brought up the whole “he's not from around here” issue the other day. They weren't talking about me. This time.

It got me thinking about it: Who is from around here? And who isn't? I put together my own list. (I had a little help, I admit, from someone who is from around here.)

I've got 25 names. If you didn't make the list, don't worry, you will. Heh. If you did? Don't take it personally. Just having a little fun. At your expense.

Here ya go:

County Mayor Tim Burchett: Born and bred in Knoxville. Damn straight he's from around here.

Allison Burchett: The mayor says his wife was born in Maryville. I don't buy it. Everyone knows the world's prettiest ladies come from Georgia.

Dean Rice: Born and bred in Knoxville, but no way he's from around here. Washington, D.C. more like it.

County Law Director Joe Jarret: No matter how long Joe lives here or when he moved here, when he's 90 years old, senior citizens will say: “Joe? Yeah, he's an OK guy, but he's not from around here.”

Gov. Bill Haslam:
I don't care if he is governor. Have you seen gas prices recently? He's not from around here.

Sheriff Jimmy “J.J.” Jones: He's from wherever he says he is. That's The Man with the Badge you're talking about.

Dolly Parton: Yeah, she's definitely from the mountains.

Former Knoxville Mayor Victor Ashe: Silver spoon found in his mouth at birth is now on display at the convention center, where no one will ever see it. He's from around here.

Chamber CEO Mike Edwards: Good ole' boy, good ole' boy. Damn straight he's from around here.

Johnny Knoxville: Sold his soul to MTV. But you can tell from his stupid antics that he's from around here. South Knoxville to be exact.

Commission Chairman Mike Hammond: Ran a countywide campaign. Runs the county commission. Running for mayor? Must be a spy from Nashville.

Superintendent Jim McIntyre:
Tells parents that it's their choice whether kids go to school in the snow. Then insults them when they don't. Yeah, he's definitely not from around here.

Derek Dooley:
He wants to run the UT football program without lying or cheating. He's not from around here.

Cuonzo Martin: He wants to run the UT basketball program without lying or cheating. He ain't from around here, either.

Bruce Pearl: He used to be from around here.

Lane Kiffin: Was definitely from around here.

Trustee John Duncan III: He's from here. Whether he admits it or not.

R. Neal: Easy. He's from Haight-Ashbury. Freakin' hippie.

Jesse Mayshark:
Former News Sentinel Reporter. Now raising hell as editor of the Metro Pulse. Must be a New Yorker.

State Sen. Stacey Campfield: Like Mr. Wrestling II, he's from parts unknown. Heh.

Bpaone: Use to be from around here, but he's been banned. Over and over and over again.

# 9: He lives in Farragut. But he's from left field.

Megan Fox: She used to be from around here. I wish she still was.

Cormac McCarthy: Once wrote a novel set in Knoxville that included a bat-catching redneck with a fondness for watermelons. He's definitely from around here.

Mike Donila: Sarcastic and irreverent. A true a$$****. He wouldn't admit to being from around here, even if he was.

The next batch will be up soon.


Brian Paone said...

(This comment was removed by site staff.)

mayshark said...

ha. You know Stacey's a New Yorker too, right? We're so proud.

Anonymous said...

Ummm, shouldn't that read that #9 is from RIGHT field?

Brian Paone said...

With Mitchell, it really doesn't matter which side of the field you say he's from - it's just going to change a day later, anyway.

Anonymous said...

No, Mitchell's always a right winger. But sometimes he's righter than at other times. Like last year before the county primary when he was bashing Burchett for being a RINO. Even used a cute little baby rhino photo and colluded with folks who spread vicious rumors about Mrs. Burchett.
Now he loves Timbo.
He's still searching for an identity now that he doesn't have Ragsdale to kick around anymore.