Presidential write-ins skyrocket in 2016; names serious and silly

The 2016 presidential election could go down as "the year of the write-in vote" in Tennessee.  The names submitted include the serious, bizarre, and silly.

In Knox County a total of 3,837 voters wrote in a name for president, more than seven times the amount submitted in the 2012 presidential election when 528 voters wrote-in a candidate.

Even Governor Bill Haslam was so dissatisfied with the major parties' presidential nominees, he wrote-in a candidate Tuesday rather than vote for fellow Republican Donald Trump.

Haslam declined to say who he picked, but jokingly conceded “my person did not win.”

So, who did Haslam vote for?

Maybe the governor voted for science fiction's Buck Roger.

Perhaps Haslam could have cast one of the five votes for "Giant Meteor."

Or did his vote go to Dolly Parton?  She received three write-in votes, but we know she's not interested in the gig.  Parton tweeted on election day, "I've been told a few times I should run for President, but I think there are enough boobs in the race already."

The governor himself was a popular write-in candidate in Knox County, with various spellings of his name garnering a total of 123 votes.

Those are just a handful of the 758 unique names Knox County voters took the time to write in as presidential candidates on Tuesday’s ballot, according to an 18-page list that local election officials provided to WBIR 10News.

FULL LIST: The list of write-in candidates submitted in all of Tuesday's races

The catch?  Almost none of them counted.  Write-in candidates must be certified prior to the election to be eligible for Tennessee's 11 electoral college votes.

There were only eight certified write-in candidates, according to the Tennessee Secretary of State’s Office:  Darrell L. Castle, Cherunda Fox, Tom Hoefling, Kyle Kenley Kopitke, Laurence Kotlikoff, David Limbaugh, Evan McMullin, and Marshall Schoenke.

Castle got about 120 votes; Hoefling got around a dozen; Kotlikoff neared 10; Limbaugh got three; and Fox, Schoenke and Kopitke received nada.

McMullin pulled in more than 1,300 votes, making the former CIA operations officer and independent candidate from Utah the big write-in vote winner.  But he still lost.

Zombie-buster Rick Grimes has routinely received write-in votes in recent years, earning him the same obligatory status as other candidates who almost always make the list:  Mickey Mouse, Daffy Duck, Goofy, Snoopy, Peyton Manning, and Chuck Norris.

Former professional wrestler Ric Flair received three votes from people who apparently wanted to "Make America Woo Again."  If only Flair could have gotten one more vote, he would have had the figure-four.

As usual, there were many names just too lewd, crude, and rude for online news and television broadcast.

There were also names of television broadcasters.  Some folks kindly wrote in votes for WBIR 10News reporter Mike Donila and anchor Russell Biven.

The write-in list goes on and on, ranging from historical figures, cartoon characters, to burnt toast.

The bottom line is thousands of people wanted a candidate other than Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.  Well, except for one voter who wrote in "Hillary and Trump."

The next local election – it’s a city primary contest only – isn’t until August 2017.

Expect the fun to continue then.

That free doughnut you got with your ‘I voted' sticker was illegal

Your favorite restaurant may have technically broke the law.

From Krispy Kremes, to Chuck E. Cheese, BurgerFi, Firehouse Subs and others you can score delicious freebies by proudly displaying your "I Voted" sticker on Election Day.

But those stickers really shouldn't be able to get you anything for free. Those deals are breaking federal election law -- regardless if the intent is to encourage civic engagement or not.

“The basic line on this is in an election where a federal candidate is on the ballot, you cannot give anyone any reward -- anything of any value -- for turning out to vote,” said Rick Hasen, a professor of law and political science at the University of California, Irvine told the New York Times. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a civic pride thing or if it’s not about any one candidate.”

So how can these big companies and restaurants continue to offer deals every four years?

Hasen told the newspaper that companies are rarely, if ever, penalized for it.

Elections: Fun with the write-ins

Voters might not have turned out last Thursday night, but phony baloney write-in names were certainly plentiful.

Walter the Bulldog? Mickey Mouse? Foghorn Leghorn?

You name it – from the funny, the serious, to the truly absurd – those few voters who did hit the ballot boxes had fun.

Or, maybe they just wanted to make a statement.

Some suggested Mickey Mouse for a state Senate seat, others felt Morris the Cat, James T Kirk, John Q Public or Flavia could do the job.

RELATED: The Write-In List

Heck, one person thought putting WBIR’s Mike Donila down for the South Knoxville county Commission seat was a good idea.

Someone also put “Donila the Thrilla” down for law director as well. (Attorney Don Bosch got a vote for that seat, too.)

Heh. I promise – it wasn’t me.

Or not.

“Anyone But” made an appearance, and so, too, did “Anyone Else,” Snow White, Abe Lincoln and Trumpisafascist.

Then there were other picks for Obama, Hilary, Trump and Bernie, too.

Oh yea, can’t forget Bill the Cat.

Former Knoxville Mayor Victor Ashe garnered a few votes, as did Knox County Criminal Court Clerk Mike Hammond, and local rogue blogger Brian Hornback.

In addition, county Clerk Foster Arnett, UT Football Coach Butch Jones and . . . Batman made appearances.

None of these aforementioned names counted, of course, since they weren’t registered with the Knox County Election Board.

In the meantime, the November general election is just around the corner.

Expect the fun to continue then.

SW Day: May the Fourth Be With You

Forgot that Star Wars Day is today, so to celebrate, here's a blast from the past - CLICK RIGHT SMACK HERE.

Heh.

Guy skips work for 24 years; fired

I like to keep the ol' blog local, but this one cracked me up. And, well, I could see it happening here. You all know what I mean.

From USA Today:

A man who ditched work for 24 years has finally lost his job—apparently a sign that India is cracking down on government bureaucrats who avoid office time, Reuters reports.

AK Verma, a senior engineer at the Central Public Works Department, last showed up for work in December 1990.

The Hindu describes him as being "on furlough," but an inquiry ruled against him in 1992, and delays and inaction ensued for 22 more years until Verma eventually got fired.

Does this sound familiar? Sort of? Heh.

Read the rest of it RIGHT SMACK HERE.

Write-in votes: Having fun or making a statement; More than 2,000 cast

Olaf the Snowman for governor? What about Peppa Pig, Space Ghost or Howdy Doody?

Perhaps Cardinal Raymond Burke?

Or . . .  the Time Master. Heh.

Maybe UT’s Butch Jones or former coaches Pat Summitt or Bruce Pearl float your boat. (OK, that last one probably not so much.)

Those were just a handful of the 2,077 unique names that Knox County voters took the time to write in as candidates on Tuesday’s ballot, according to a 55-page list that election officials provided to WBIR 10News.

The List: 55 Pages of Write-in Candidates RIGHT SMACK HERE

Some were serious (we think), and others were obviously a joke (we hope). A few voters delved into the history books, digging up old presidents. Others touched on entertainment, picking cartoon characters and rock stars.

And then, as always, there were those names just too lewd, crude and rude for online news and television broadcast.

“The first thing that’s important to note is that this shows that we record every vote out there – no matter who you write in or what you write in,” said Cliff Rodgers, administrator of Elections for Knox County.

Sadly – or not so sadly – almost all of the write-in votes counted, since none were certified as official write-in candidates.

However, the Knox County Election Commission will count write-in votes for Bill Haslam in the governor race - not that he needed them - since he was an official candidate on the ballot.

The Republican governor trounced his Democratic Opponent Charlie Brown, who has no relation to the Peanuts character (although Snoopy did get a write-in vote).

“Some people will write in something ridiculous that they don’t think anyone else will do, so that when we send them the list they want to see if it’s recorded, and that everything is OK with the system,” Rodgers said. “You’ll see a bunch that no one is going to repeat. It’s not ‘Mickey Mouse,’ or ‘Donald Duck’ or ‘Chuck Norris.’ It’s not someone the average person would think of.”

Hmmm. Interesting, because there were no votes cast this time around for Chuck Norris.

And that’s not good, particularly if Chuck finds out. As everyone should know there’s a lot of facts out there about America’s favorite movie star/karate man. Like how when “Chuck Norris stares at the sun . . . it blinks!”

Now for some more write-in fun.

Folks apparently weren’t too happy with incumbent Republican Lamar Alexander or any of his challengers (Lamar won a third term anyway!), so they felt others were more appropriate.

That meant: Alfred E. Newman, Any But Lamar, Bozo the Clown, Disgruntled Conservative, Morgan Freeman, Peyton Manning, Pope Benedict Six, Rawhide Rex, Uncle Sam and Rage Against The Machine!

Speaking of Rage – music was well represented in this election cycle.

Voters cast ballots for rockers Jack White and David Lee Roth; legendary punks Jello Biafra, Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig; rappers Public Enemy and Kanye West; and country stars Dolly Parton, Charlie Daniels and Willie Nelson.

Also, some gal named Beyonce got a vote or two.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention Ted Nugent’s name. Especially since he hasn’t had a hit in decades. He made the list, though.

Zombi-buster Rick Grimes was on it, too, and so was “Your Mom” and “My Dog.”

Speaking of animals . . . . There was: the Easter Bunny, Miss Piggy, Felix the Cat, Old Yellow Dog, Big Bird, Chester Cheetah, official mascot for Cheetos brand snacks (yes, we had to Google that one), Walter the Bulldog, Three Leg Dog and Big Nose Alligator.

And, we can’t forget: Dog Catcher!

Some folks were feeling spiritual, casting votes for God, Jesus, Jesus Christ and the Dali Lama.

Cthulhu was there, too, as was Odin and Loki.

The Force was with Luke Skywalker (hey, he’s got a movie coming out in December 2015), and his father, Darth Vader.

Star Wars villain Boba Fett also showed up, but his arch enemy and the true hero of the original Star Wars trilogy, Han Solo, did not. Lame!

A number of names were peppered multiple times throughout the 55 pages of various races, including Howard Stern, Madeline Rogero, Tim Burchett, Big Foot, James T. Kirk, and Poleycat Valentine (huh????).

And, we can’t forget: No vote, none, not Bill, Not Huffman, Any But Lamar, anybody, any on (sic) else, anyone else, and “go away.”

Homer Simpson, Bart Simpson and their neighbor, Ned Flanders were accounted for.

Former presidents George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Bill Clinton (as well as wife Hillary) appeared.

And, President Obama popped up, too. Quite a few times in fact, and in all different ways. There was: Barack Obama; Obama; Obamas Legacy; and The Barack Obama Agenda.

Of course, no write-in list is complete until you mention votes cast for Sponge Bob; rivals/friends Porky Pig, Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny; or Mickey Mouse and his pals Donald Duck and Goofy.

Paging Dr. Jones! Yes, you guessed it – Indiana Jones made the list. Someone wants Harrison Ford’s fictional archeologist to represent the 18^th District in the state House. That said others wanted Johnny Majors, Kermit the Frog, Little Sebastion (the horse on the TV show “Parks and Rec”), and Megatron to hold that seat, too.

Oh year, Jagger Lance Oakland also nabbed a vote in that race. Whoever or whatever Jagger is.

DC Comics characters beat out Marvel this election as Bruce Wayne and his alter ego, face-crunching, bone-smashing Dark Knight vigilante Batman and “Batnam” garnered multiple votes. In fact, usual fan favorites Spider-Man and Wolverine didn’t even get a one.

WBIR was well represented, too. Some folks kindly wrote in anchor John Becker’s name a few times (once even for governor!).

Superstar Mike Donila and Sideshow Steve Butera got votes as did former WBIR reporter John Henry. 10News photographer Jim Martin claims that the vote for “Gandalf the Grey” was really for him.

Reporters from the local paper didn’t get any votes, but its publisher did. Someone felt it necessary to cast “Birmingham Killed Metros” as a candidate, an obvious reference to Patrick Birmingham’s recent decision to can the widely popular weekly alternative, Metro Pulse.

In the 7^th District state Senate race Stacey Campfield (who was thumped in the Republican primary by Richard Briggs) garnered what might be the most votes of any write-in pick in a single race: 28.

(Not that everyone spelled his name correctly, but still. We also thought about texting him for a comment, but, well . . . .)

The next local election – it’s a city only contest – isn’t until September 2015.

Expect the fun to continue then.

Happy Halloween, stay safe tonight

I'm dressed as an office ghost employee. So . . . . Happy Halloween. And don't eat the yellow snow. Or whatever.

Gazillions of write-in candidates

As is always the case, I secured the list of write-in candidates and today was no exception.

Sooooo, check it out RIGHT SMACK HERE - all 139 pages of hilarity from last night's election! Obviously, none of them counted.

Another Knox County election leads to batch of silly write-in candidates

Fred Flintstone for judge? What about Mad Magazine mascot Alfred E. Newman, rapper Eminem, or actor-comedian Danny Devito?

Perhaps, Stephen Colbert would make a good choice. Or a statement, anyway.

What about Mickey Mouse, Bozo the Clown or even Bruce Pearl?

 Those were just a handful of the 1,466 unique names that Knox County voters took the time to write in as candidates on Tuesday’s ballot, according to 74-page list that election officials provided to WBIR 10 News.

Click RIGHT SMACK HERE for the entire story and RIGHT SMACK HERE to check out all the names that garnered votes, including literary giants Mark Twain and Mike Donila. Heh.

Funny Twitter handles to check out

In the past couple of years, some really, really funny local Twitter handles have popped up. Here are my favorites in no particular order:

@Knoxvillebear

Slogan: I’m just a bear. Official twitter account of the laziest bear in Knoxville. 

The bear is fun because he/she always responds. Sometimes the bear goes off the grid, but he/she will return. 

Last post: Nov. 4.

@AckerMoxley

Slogan: Parody account of Ackermann PR and Moxley Carmichael. Putting a positive spin on everything.

Likes to crack jokes about the high costs of hiring PR and how fun it is to shill for certain companies.

Last post: Sept. 13.

@ExJudgeRichard 

Slogan: I was a judge in Knox County. Now, I’m a felon. (Also includes a link Hustler Magazine Vs. Falwell case.)

This is a parody account about Richard Baumgartner who loved to pop pills. Recently a local private investigator began following the account. It’s no secret that Baumgartner wanted to sue the person who runs this Twitter handle. I hope he does. If you think he’s a disgrace to the human race now, just wait until the lawsuit gets filed and the media crap-storm that ensues.

Last post: Dec. 3.

@YellowCardJim

Slogan: Satire. Not the real Jim McIntyre, who is a public official in Knox County, Tennessee.

This one popped up last night after folks took Jim to task about his leadership style. At one point a student took the podium and talked about how years ago he received a yellow card for not paying attention. He then held up a yellow card and told Jim that it was for him. Personally, I would have called this account TattleTaleJim. Heh.

Last post: Today

And of course, you can always follow me on twitter @mikedonila

They'll hire anyone at the Death Star

What the deuce? Quit taking my picture

People have long joked that there's more than a few skunks working out of the Knox County Death Star. Well, heh . . . check it out. They weren't kidding.

KNS photographer Miles Cary took a couple shots of our own Pepe Le Pew. Miles said he spotted the skunk around 8 a.m. Wednesday on Hill Avenue between the garage door by the Sheriff's Office where deputies pull the bus in for prisoners and the west end of the building.

I'm outta here!

Miles noted that the skunk was last seen headed west on Hill Avenue and into the Death Star's parking garage.

After telling a top ranking county official about the skunk, he joked to me that the critter was just going to visit his parents.

Finding Bigfoot or finding sense?

Did anyone catch that whole “Finding Bigfoot” show last night? Lord it was awful. I made it through about 20 or so minutes before I hit the clicker.

Credit, though, still goes to Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett for getting the folks here to film. As bad as the show was (or is), it had some nice highlights of the area and you really can't put enough dollar signs on free advertising.

Heck, ask the folks over at the Knoxville Tourism and Sports Corporation (or whatever they're called now). If officials there had brought the show to East Tennessee, they'd be claiming a $10 gazillion economic impact for the area at this point. That and they'd be cashing their bonuses checks.

Heh.

In the meantime, I did get a chuckle last night. My wife walked in while the show was on. I tried to explain to her what was happening. I said the woman on the show was the skeptic, calling out the others (they're all guys) on the whole Bigfoot thing.

Her response?

“That makes sense.”

Yeah, it does.

Psychiatrists versus Bartenders

Saw this somewhere. Got a kick out of it. Figured I'd share. Conversation overheard. Joke. All that.

So, ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of someone hiding under my bed at night. I go to one of those headshrinkers and tell him:

“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there's someone under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.

The shrink: “Just put yourself in my hands or a year. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.

“How much do you charge,” I asked.

Shrink: “$80 per visit.

“I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later, the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, $80 for a visit three times a week for a year is a ton of coin! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that scratch I went about bought me a new pickup!”

“Is that so,” he said with a bit of an attitude. “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!”

Heh.