Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Xander's lawyer: Everyone BUTT my client is lying and I'll prove it

Talk about a disaster in what was supposed to be damage control. And quite a way to keep the whole butt-chugging incident in what is now an international news cycle. Click right smack here for the ridiculous to watch, read and listen as the attorney for Xander Broughton swears his client never did the whole alcohol enema thing. (In all my years doing the whole journalism gig, this is certainly one of the last things I ever expected to serve as a topic of a press conference.)

No, instead he got drunk and one of his buddies gave him a wedgie. Or something like that. 

Seriously, that's what local lawyer Dan McGehee said. Yes, apparently everyone - the cops, the EMTs, the investigators, the media, the entire freakin' hospital that treated the kid - all got it wrong.

Trust us, he said. All you morons blew it. "Shame on You," he said. Trust in these underage kids who can't remember a thing. They'll tell you what really happened.

When someone did ask, though, Broughton replied "it's a long story."

Hey, I believe them. I do. But I think he needs a publicist. Not an attorney.

Anyhoo, here's what must have happened. I can picture it right now:

The cops, who already have this very prosecutable case based on evidence and the boys' own admissions that they were drinking underage and nearly killed their friend in the process, decided to lie.

Yes, the cops must have figured: "Let's just add something to this whole thing that we can't prove. Let's just make it up."

I can imagine Knoxville's finest, scouring the Internet and stumbling into urbandictionary.com and coming across the phrase 'butt-chugging.'

"We're bored," I can just hear one cop saying to the other. "Let's just invent this case."

Yeah. That's what happened.

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